Loser

So maybe I am happy being a Sociology student. Haha I really love what I am studying.

Heh Prof Teo asked me what made me happy and I gave some weirded out answer like simple things. But I think I'm happy when I realise that people are happy with simple things.

I'm happy studying Sociology although so many things grieve me. I'm happy when I listen to certain music that takes my mind off reality. I'm happy when I sleep and dream. I'm happy when my kid understands what I'm saying. I'm happy working with students in KC. I'm happy thinking about my Viet Nam experiences. I'm happy gossiping with people. I'm happy talking to some people about philosophy and sociology. I'm happy thinking about JC times. I'm happy thinking of my JC classmates. I'm happy when I'm thinking about nothing.

I'm sad when I think about my grades. I'm sad when I think I have no idea where to go or what to do. I'm sad that I have a temper. I'm sad that I don't dare take risks. I'm sad that I cannot make up my mind. I'm sad that my literary works are so stupid that people scorn them. I'm sad that I cannot look good. I'm sad that people think I look fierce, serious etc. I'm sad that I.. well.. can't be happy.

How loser is that?

And of course. I am really in a chaotic state now. And I can't talk about it to anybody since of course, I try to hide it under some cloth and talk about oranges instead of apples. I just can't talk about myself.