Jesus. One Way.

I went for Youth Fest ytd... God, if I ever do make it out of this Earth alive...

But I think what the priest said is right... God did not make you to come to this Earth to be miserable, sad and depressed. He made you the apple of HIs eye... So you should not be afraid.

I am afraid. Of many things. Things I cant even name.

And I hide under a cloud of hatred.

I hate the Army. I hate Daryl Gomes. I hate IHM. I hate Time.

I'm awake now and I can't go back to sleep. To me, it seems I've been living on borrowed time. I think I was dreaming of youth groups and whatnots. Sighz.

Jesus! Why did I face so much rejection? Whats in it for me? Are you sure you have a better plan for me? Rejection from Army.. Rejection from SMU scholarship... Rejection from USP...
IS there anymore you want to reject me by?

Blessings:
1)Got into SMU and NUS.
2)Didn't get into army ( Apparently its a blessing to everyone who prayed against the army)
3)???? I'm going PErth???
4)I cut my hair????
5)I didn't get to tear Daryl Gomes apart with my bare hands?

GOD! Whats the meaning of everything? What do you want me to do? What else is there that you want me to do so that you would stop punishing me? I don't believe you sent us here to Earth to be happy cos in the entire Old Testament, you always punished us esp when we did wrong. Yeah, and I'm getting punished now. You are punishing my whole family. What do you expect me to do?

I don't know. You do what you want with me. Just give me the strength to survive it.

(the computer is screwing up now. I'm a little unnerved and angry)

I am 19... and apparently the world is my oyster. Sighz... is the better plan for me to go Uni and do economics... YOUR BEST PLAN FOR ME? That I should come out into the world and lead a meaningless existance in the corporate world? Oh yeah... I am what I want to be. You know.. Its kind of hard to put you, God, together with I am what I want to be cos I leave it up to you or you are leaving it up to me?

Empty. Empty. Empty.

Lonely. Lonely. Lonely.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

Retard. Retard. Retard.

Scum. Scum. Scum.

Words that currently describe me now.

Russell is going OCS tmr... he is meeting his class guys today. I'm going to tag along. Hong Wei thinks GFs just take up their bfs' time. Its either I don't see him or share him with his class. OR I spend time with him and my family. I hate it when my mum thinks I dun do anything for the family. Hello? I sacrifice my zilch time with him to look after my brother... to help you do stuff.. etc etc etc. I get what? a few mins to ourselves. Yadda yadda yadda. THEN!?!?!? WHy get a bf or a gf
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Tell me!

I thot I was having him to myself the whole day. I thot I was that LUCKY. =(

I'm leaving on a Jet plane tmr with so much anger and sadness in my heart. I'm running away! Yes, I'm a coward. While he books into SAFTI, I'm checking in at the airport. FLight is 9:20am. While he is going to become an officer... I'm going to be nothing. I'm struggling to discover myself.

I don't think I ever will. -_-

Russell, I wish I can spend more time with you...together. Just the two of us. Its making me feel like u are complacent tt I'm not going army so its only 3 weeks to you.. But I'm realli going to miss u so i feel it most acutely. =( like your last shot of freedom... and I'm not having it.

Sigh.... I'm sorry but I had to get that off my chest. I'm sorry Russell but yeah, this entire May and June have been realli bad times for me. I may be short-tempered and everything... but I love you and I do wish you well in OCS. BUt you will never know. Have fun.... Achieve what you want.... Enjoy your time and lastly, Be Well.

I'm always here.